this last year
i cannot deny that
something very profound
happened to me
a gradual and relentless
dissolving
of dualistic clutching.
it has been coming
for a long time
but this year
it has overwhelmed me
and demanded everything
i’m not trying to claim
enlightenment
but i am saying
this unstoppable
opening
has destroyed
the false notions
i have carried
and thrown me
deeper and deeper
into the fire
of transcendence.
it hasn’t always been pretty
and certainly not nice
at times it has been ecstatic
and i have been like a man awake
surrounded by dreamers
and then i have been dragged
back into suffering
sometimes because of my own body pain
sometimes because of some old fear
of the future.
but it just never stops
i don’t even know whether
i want it
but even that doesn’t matter
once the door
of awakening is open
it is incredibly hard to shut it again
and i cannot.
so, like a moth to the
flame, i fly endlessly
toward my own destruction
a somewhat reluctant
wanderer
who came unglued
from himself
and found
freedom.
truth costs everything
and you have no
bargaining power.