when i realized
how much of myself
i had given away
all my life
i sat in the emptiness of the devastation
without moving
and allowed everything in
all the pain and dashed hopes
dreams broken and love lost
i didn’t turn away
or move towards it,
instead there was
no reaction, no aversion at all
and in that openness
that resolute acceptance
of the truth
of my brokenness 
came freedom
the freedom of no longer 
moving towards or away
from anything
this neutrality is not dead
but vibrantly alive
like the sky
or the universe itself
and whilst there may be chaos
or storms, black holes
or colliding stars
yet still there is
the neutrality of the deepest acceptance

in that peace i understood
there was never anything to give away.