It took me to the edge of myself
I had to die to be reborn
The old self is gone
He was dysfunctional, angry
Distracted, obsessed,
He lived in the past
And carried the bags of pain
With righteous indignity
There was so much beauty in him
Hidden under the weight
Of stories of self
His body was toxic
Nervous system triggered
Always running running away
And then running running towards
And beneath the surface
Such a deep anxiety and despair

All gone, all dissolved
As a dream dissolves
Upon meeting the dawn

Replaced now with presence
With emptiness
With no story, just this
With a love that has no cause
Just this, just this

It took me years
To lose myself
To find my Self
I had to let go of everything
I became so sick
In body, emotion and mind
I came face to face with death
I screamed, I wailed, I raged

Oh I have been there my friend
I know the journey
Of unravelling the knots and the stories
It’s like letting go on an entity
The pain body hangs on to us
And we must let go of it
Again and again
Until it finally just dissolves
Like the dream it is

For me it was like a rebirth
For some people it is gentle
But if you carry trauma
Then it may be an arduous release
But when people come to me
With their new age ways
Of trying to perfect themselves
And make it alright
And tell me they have awakened

It makes me want to laugh
And cry

The transformation we talk about here
Is a demolition of all that is false
And that’s pretty much everything
We don’t rebuild ourselves
From the debris

We live in the splendor
Of the wreckage.

Photo by Samuel Zeller on Unsplash