My early years were filled with joy and excitement
Anticipation and the love of freedom

My teenage years were the destruction of all that I knew
The joy and excitement changed to foreboding and angst

My twenties were the playing out of denial of pain
Living in a chaos that allowed me to cope

My thirties saw the chronic repercussions
Of the previous decades
The impact of addiction
And relational dysfunction

My forties saw a ‘do or die’ situation,
A point at which I had to meet my demons
Or my demons would eat me alive

That’s when the door opened

My fifties saw the unravelling of my self
All the pain arose, the anger, the hurt and the fear
No stone was left unturned in the journey
That seemed to go on forever

My sixties are where you find me now, here, writing this
Wounded, weary, experienced, amazed, humble and aware
It all seems so strangely right

We are like trees
Everything grows us when we let it
Even the hurt and the pain and the angst
There is no answer that satisfies
So we must just allow the past
To be the fertilizer for the present

Peaceful loving acceptance
Of the whole journey
Is what I have arrived at
Not as an elevated destination
But as an ongoing relationship
That invites me to surrender
Again and again and again.