The Language of Beauty

There is a world inside this one
Its language is beauty
To talk to that world
You must learn to speak
In a different way
The way of the heart

When the relationship
Between the inner world
And the surface world
Is remembered and honored
Harmony returns

First there must be a shedding
Of the old self, the outer skin
The layers of protection
Built up by the illusory need
To live inside walls

You must be willing
To become wild again
To awaken wildness within
To awaken vulnerability
To awaken innocence
And fearlessness
It’s not as terrifying as it sounds
It’s a hair’s breadth away
As close as your skin
And it wants you
As much as you want it
It’s in your willingness to surrender

And then, when you begin to understand
The language of beauty
The world opens its gates to you
And, even though it may look like hell,
You will only see heaven
Not as a delusion
But as a reality.

Image by enriquelopezgarre from Pixabay

The Juice of Life

In such great need of control
In fear of his own vulnerability
Enslaved by anger and resentment
And conditioned to mind’s righteousness
Did he squeeze all the juice out of life
Did his inner flame perish
And all beauty fade to grey
Life lost meaning
And he died while living

True life springs from surrender
From embracing our wounds
From walking through darkness
From discovering our inner nobility
From turning towards heart

The juice of life
Is in our brokenness, our kindness
Our tenderness and our beauty
Our sorrow, joy and acceptance
Turn towards it
Again and again and again.
Image by Susanne Jutzeler, suju fotografie from Pixabay

I Returned From the Darkness – It Wasn’t a Spiritual Journey, It Was a Human One

When most people meet me these days, in our events or even socially, they see someone who is bright, active, grounded and (hopefully) full of love. Many are quite shocked to know how dramatic my transformation has been, and how I haven’t been like this always but have wrestled with many demons and overcome a lot to get to this point.
But it is very true. And not a day goes by I don’t give thanks for the grace that allowed me to catch a glimpse of the light far away down the tunnel, and held me as I took a hundred thousand steps through the darkness to find it.

A hundred thousand steps, one at a time, sometimes falling, stumbling, and failing. Going backwards, defeated and lost. And then getting up, dusting myself down, and carrying on. Pulled by some unseen hand, not knowing what I was really aiming for, but knowing I could not stay where I was or who I was. There was an inner me calling to be freed, and I served that one.

Through addiction, through dysfunctional relating, through ten years of illness, through negativity and fear, through the wounds of childhood carried unconsciously like great sacks of sorrow into each intimate experience.

Through catharsis, body work, ceremony, prayer, through endless therapy, meditation, self inquiry, fasting, detoxification, through exercise, through hopelessness and acceptance of death, through meeting the deepest existential hole at the center of everything, on and on. Oh I have been in the darkness. I never stopped seeking what was true for me, what was deeper, what was real and honest. I never stopped until I arrived at love’s open door.

And then I walked in.

And when I walked in through that door, the door disappeared, the past disappeared, separation disappeared and everything that had been so hard, so divided, so troubled, became just one thing, one immense and beautiful dance of agony and ecstasy, of the appearance of duality and the illusion of the dream. There was this remarkable sense of arriving home, where I had always been, but had been so lost in pain and imagination I had not realized it.

And that did not mean that suddenly there was nothing more to do. No. There was the ongoing living of this remarkable awareness, in humility and truth. The darkness is still there, no longer as the dominant force it was, but as a whisper of a fragrance of a ghost. It comes sometimes, when I am at my most vulnerable or stressed, and it taps me on the shoulder and says,’ Remember me, I am your reminder to stay humble and open, to stay here as love’s tenderness.’

I stay with gratitude to the grace that allowed me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you for reading. It is possible, with grit and grace, to walk through the darkness and into the light. It’s not a spiritual journey, it’s a necessary human one. And everyone can do it.

Warrior of Love

Even though I may be knocked down
And everything taken from me
Even if the worst may happen
As it does for some innocent people
And even though they may try and get me to hate
I will not

The journey to get to love
Has been too tough
Has forged me like a blade
And turned me to a warrior
And even though what may happen
Will be terrible
I will not become like that
I will not surrender my love
I will not become hate
It is too painful to bear
And I will never stoop that low

There is a kind of dignity
The warrior carries
An inner flame
An inner voice that says,
‘I will not be ruled
By anyone else
I will serve that which is true
And I will never yield that.’

This is my aspiration
To be bold of heart
And present of mind
And meet all of this hate
Like a warrior of love.
Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

Come To The Garden

Come with me
My downhearted one
Come into the garden
And meet your innocence
Come and see your joy intact
Your playfulness still alive
Come and smell the sweet fragrance
Of your beauty untarnished by life
Come, we will discover what is not broken,
Yes, we will encounter love,
Love at its finest, its bravest
Its most powerful
It may overwhelm you
But let this overwhelm be a way
Of remembering

And when you have seen the beauty
And tasted the nectar
And imbibed the fragrance
When you have touched the passion

You will be ready to return
But I warn you
Your heart will never close again
You will have to carry the fragrance of the garden
Until you leave this world
And everyone who meets you
Will wonder where you have been.

Photo by eddie howell on Unsplash

To Eternity We Bow

To eternity we must bow
To the one great intelligence
That rules all life
While we dance and play and fight like children
Creating our own struggles and laws and beliefs
And praying to idols we create
Meanwhile the destiny of each of us
Is ruled by eternity’s inevitable hand
That beckons us forward

Life is in equal parts
Misery and Joy

The only freedom is to know all this
To stare eternity in the eye
To stand in awe at the vastness
To fall to one’s knees
To weep for everything that will be lost
And love anyway

Oh! the paradox, the great juxtaposition of life
To stare at eternity
Without falling into the abyss
Surely this is beauty itself.

Photo by Dino Reichmuth on Unsplash

Grace – The Nectar of the Gods

I have fallen in so many holes
Been disappointed and felt let down
I have been furious and triggered
Thousands of times
I have wanted to run away from everything
Even end it all and vanish from existence
I have hurt others and been hurt
Done things I regret and made countless mistakes
I have missed opportunities and messed up
I have been righteous, rude and ignorant
Neglected when I could have cared
And turned away when I could have stayed

Yet now, as life courses through these veins,
As maturity deepens the wine
And a certain wisdom brings clarity
I see how everything fits together
I understand the pattern of being human

It doesn’t matter how long it takes
Even in the last minutes of life
At the final curtain
It doesn’t really matter what has been done
What really matters
Is whether it leads to love or not
Whether the door of love opens
And the milk of human and divine kindness
Flows or not
To arrive at forgiveness, compassion, kindness,
To arrive at sorry or great tenderness of heart
Is grace

And a moment of true grace
Is the nectar of the gods
And all life’s experience is designed
For the opportunity
To arrive at the door of that grace
We are the conduits of possibility
And the possibilities are infinite

I have fallen in so many holes
But all of them led to grace.

Photo by Josh Boot on Unsplash