Even in this that seems so broken

When did it all change
When did you start to feel so heavy
Weighed down by it all
Lost in seriousness
Scared for your life
Or scared for the world

When did you become
So scared of the world

When did you start to see
More problems than solutions
When did the shine vanish
Rubbed off by years of experience

You lost your joy
Your carefree ways
That innocence you had
It dissolved into this
Like everyone else

When was it you picked up
Those heavy bags
Filled with woes, troubles, beliefs, fears
Most of which never come true

When
And why?

And what will it take to drop
All these worries

I beseech thee
Let us sit in the chaos
In the futility, in the storm
And simply sit, tears of sorrow
Rolling down, weeping for our lives
And the lives of those gone
Crying for time slipped away
Missed moments
Broken dreams
Lives torn apart

Let us just sit like this
And meet each other here
Eye to eye
Heart to heart
Nothing to say
We will meet in this silence

And it will show us
That love is still here
Even in this
Even in this that seems so broken.

Silent Emptiness

Last night I fell in a hole
It just got deeper and deeper
There was no way out
And suddenly I was faced with a choice

Either keep on struggling
Or surrender the fight
What a dilemma…

If I struggled on
It would be pointless
But at least there was hope
Even if it was illusory
There was some reason to keep going
However desperate

If I surrendered maybe it was resignation
I would have to stop running
And face the horror
The pain, the sorrow, the truth
Who would I be if I gave up completely?
I would be entirely alone

Realizing the futility of struggling
I surrendered the fighter to the darkness
Oh did I fall!
As though into eternity
Seeing the ground disappear as I dropped
Deeper and deeper
I left myself behind
I left everything known
Somewhere up above

And I came upon emptiness
A profound silence overwhelmed me
And in that empty silence
There was something new and different
A presence of unconditional acceptance
That filled everything, including me
It seemed to touch the very fibers of me
And I came to know myself as that
Silent emptiness

By and by, the hole, the struggle
The fear, the doubt and confusion
Dissolved

I returned to the world
Subtly, profoundly, quietly changed
Filled with gratitude and awe
For all I do not know.

The Splendor of Brokenness

When you have had enough
Of the vicissitudes of life
Come here
When you have been broken
One too many times
And you are exhausted
And ready to let go
Come here
When all your searching
Has led you to a closed door
Come here
When you are beaten, broken
Bombarded and bored
Ready to give up the fight
Come here

That’s what we do here
We sit in the splendor of brokenness
And discover that which is unbroken
We don’t fix you or heal you
We don’t deny you
Or create a faith
We don’t overcome the problem

We open to the whole thing
We open so wide we become the space
Inside which everything happens
We allow the human experience
With all its pain and suffering and grief
And joy and desire and happiness
Nothing is excluded

It is a great relief
To finally let go of the struggle
And be held
And sit with others
And dance, and laugh
And cry
And sit in the silence of it all

Come, come
A thousand times. come.

The Razor’s Edge

To walk through
The valley of darkness
With awareness
Placing one foot
Softly after the other
In tenderness and resolve
Holding fear lightly
Allowing the waves of emotion
To rise and fall
This is the razor’s edge

It is called the razor’s edge
Because it cuts through duality.

The Endless Search

Through dark forests he crawled
Across vast oceans
Torn and broken
He searched and searched
In mysterious valley
And the highest mountains
He peered into space
Open mouthed at the sheer majesty
Of eternity as it circled above him
Onwards he went
Searching and searching
More and more desperate

‘What are you searching for?’
Asked a farmer he met on the road.

’There is something missing,
I feel incomplete
Surely we are all looking for this completion
Isn’t this what drives us?’

‘You are misguided my friend,
This is a myth perpetuated
By the blind and foolish
By the ignorant and wayward
By those who seek power over you
And by your own arrogant mind.’

‘But without this sense of incompletion
What is the point of life
Why would we go on
What is the purpose
There must be something more?’

‘Friend, you are scratching an eternal itch
You have surrendered yourself
To the wrong master
Your own mind and its tyrannical ways
You are now enslaved
And held captive
In a myth of incompletion
Whereby you eternally search
And die unfulfilled.

Give up all this searching
And look with your inner eye
The mechanism of lack
That is at work
Just sit there and see like buddha
For one moment

In this simplicity is the truth.’

We never left the garden
And became incomplete
We went unconscious
And drunk with knowledge
And got lost in thought.

Life – It’s a Tough Lesson

Life
It’s a tough lesson
So many dreams and beliefs
Lie shattered
Hearts broken
Ideas strewn around
Like debris from a crash

You believed, naively,
In what you were told
We all did
That’s what youth is
And then reality starts
And down the dreams come
First one falls to the ground
And then another
And that’s when you hit
The danger zone
Bitterness sets in
Anger takes over
You believed it all
And now you feel cheated

But here is the thing my friend
Now is the time to question
Everything
Everything you were told
And all you came to believe
Look into the heart
The soul of life
Ask deeper and deeper questions

The difference between
The downcast and the warrior
Is a change in perspective
The warrior takes their pain
Their suffering
And transforms it
They release the inner victim
To fly into the heavens
The warrior stops trying
To be someone
Other than who they are
They embrace brokenness
As a gift

Life
It’s a tough lesson
But when you drop
All expectations
And just allow it to be
Whatever it is
You become noble and true
Like a blade
Forged on the anvil
Of disappointment
And broken dreams.

Let’s Build a Fire

Come my friend
Let us build a fire
Far away from everyone
In the wild somewhere
Somewhere we cannot be found
You can bring it all
Your sorrow, fear and pain
All that pent up anger
All the times you have turned away
And bitten your tongue
All the heartbreak and heartache
The shame and the guilt
Even the hope, the prayers and the blind faith

You can bring it all
And we can burn it
All night long
And watch it all turn to flickering ash
Rising up to the stars
Disappearing into the void

And as dawn arrives
We can sing a sweet song
Of love’s tender freedom
As we make our way
Back to the hubbub of the market place
There may even be
A lightness in our step
And a crafty smile
Upon our lips

They will be curious
And ask why we smell
Of woodsmoke
But I will not share our secret with them.