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Thank you so much for following me, liking my poems and paying some attention. The poetry is not stopping, only my chosen and preferred platform. I still do all my poetry free and substack is no different.
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But don’t imagine that surrender was easy
For it was an unconditional surrender
It demanded all that was false in me
All that was righteous and arrogant
All that was deceptive and manipulative
All that was hiding behind defenses built to keep danger out
And all strategies for survival of this ego self
This love I speak so much about
Is powerful and total
It’s not the new age kind of love so popular now
It can be ruthless and radical
Its ‘no’ is as big as its ‘yes’
It wants all of you, or you may as well not bother
I gave myself to that love
It showed up unexpectedly
And when I really saw love’s power
I realized it was showing up everywhere
In everyones life
There it is now, friend, can you see it?
It is all around you, in every encounter
And in every resistant thought
Behind everything is love’s invitation
I surrendered all I was to that love
And I became myself, naked and free and real
Before that I was a shadow of me
A possibility, a potential, a game player
Now that is all gone
And there are no more shadows.
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay
We are dancing in an endless ocean of love Swimming with the beautiful ones Unlocking the door to Eternity Feeling the breath of the ecstatic wind Tasting some nectar Catching a glimpse of the sun As it pours out its light For the lovers of the world. – Kavi 2004
I wrote this poem, and many others, when the relationship with my wife, Amoda Maa Jeevan, fully blossomed in 2002/3. The first few years of our coming together were ecstatic and brought the poet out of me. We were like delighted children, tumbling around the world in rapture. Our favorite experience was to bundle into a cafe and dash up to the counter and announce, ‘Two cappuccinos please, we are here to celebrate our existence on this planet!’
It has now been over 15 years and, although the ecstatic nature has transformed and matured, it still has this quality. It is love, and not just love of each other, but the greatest devotion of each of us to love itself, and therefore to truth itself.
Recently we were asked to talk about our relationship. Amoda is a teacher so she does this kind of thing a lot. I’m not, but I am always up for talking about new ways of relating, because relationship is where the rubber really hits the road.
So if you are of a mind and have some time, I invite you to watch our interview and see what you think. It is honest and open. We even talk about sex.
(I wrote this in 2002 at the very beginning of my relationship with my wife Amoda Maa. It was, and always has been, the most extraordinary relationship of my life. Meeting her turned me into a poet, brought poetry out of me. I wish I could share with you the utter transcendent brilliance of it. But this poem gives a flavor of it.)
There is no way to explain what happens
When two people dive into the ocean
They leave the world behind
And swim down and down and down further still
Searching for the pearl.
No-one knows what they see, what they do.
They come up for air and can be seen
But soon they are off again
Into the blue beyond
Become fish in the Beloved`s ocean
Circling one another, nibbling each other,
Beautiful and glowing and content,
No longer concerned with
What the world does or says or thinks.
I fought with love, I rejected it, I was scared of it, I denied it, I was angry with it, I couldn’t even say the word.
I didn’t let love in to the depth of my being, I didn’t let its transformational fire burn up everything that was not love.
And then I fell into the deepest love I have ever known. This love made me mad. It turned me into a poet. It destroyed everything that was no longer needed.
And this love took me to the darkest areas of my self and cast a light on them. It demanded all of me.
It said, ‘Burn in the fire, let love take everything and give up yourself.’
I walked willingly into the fire.
And then I embraced love, I welcomed it, I became it, and I didn’t stop talking about it. It started as personal love, and then it just became love of everything.
I was a guy who couldn’t even say the word love. Now I speak of nothing else.
Reflections on what happened to me in 2001/2 when love’s brilliant sun burst into my life. It was like being in a Rumi Poem. Exactly like that. And I was both the poet and the subject of the poem. It was an extraordinary time. I have some poetry from that period that I will publish here, but first let me give you an idea of what it was like.
when love really arrived in my life
it didn’t come with conditions
or superficial sweetness
it didn’t come with games
or bargains
it wasn’t love
wrapped up as need.
NO.
the love that arrived
was a FIRE
that incinerated everything
within me, and in my life,
that was false
it uncovered all the cracks
and holes
and shone the brilliant light
of the sun
on them.
it tore at me
it tore at
my 40 years
of building and maintaining
defences
and it threw demolished everything
and threw it on the fire
i lost it all
in that fire
my marriage
my home
my history
my friends
my superficial mask and
my reasonableness
to love someone fully
means to open to them
so that nothing remains
and in that opening
is the great cost
the cost of loving
is that
when one of you dies
the pain of separation
and loneliness
will be an agony
only matched
by the loss of a child
but the rewards of loving
in such a way
are worth the pain
the intimacy and surrender into love
is an exquisite fire
that burns up all hope
of salvation
if you ever give up on all this
or become so weary
of the endless struggle of life
im not going to say
‘come on its not that bad’
or try and get you on your feet
and get you back to the battle field
no.
i will sit quietly beside you
and maybe your head
will rest gently on my shoulder
and we will simply sit
in the silence of quiet acceptance
i will not try and fix you
because there is nothing wrong
and nothing to fix
nothing is broken
and in need of repair
you do not need that
all you really need
is the space to be
and in that acceptance
everything is as it is
and nature itself
does whatever it must do
