I discovered
My darkness
Was filled with light
That single discovery
Changed everything.

I discovered
My darkness
Was filled with light
That single discovery
Changed everything.
I, like you, have been to the dark place
I have crawled in the pit of despair
Met the existential black hole
And surrendered myself to it
I have railed at God
Thrown myself away
Fallen, got up, fallen, got up
Fallen and stayed there
As I finally stopped looking for hope
Or hanging on to anything the mind offered
I gave myself to the dark place
And there, in that overwhelm,
I swear there was the tiniest chick of light
That seemed to beckon me towards it
I had no idea whether it was death itself
Or the light of life
As I drew closer to it I saw
It was beyond both, neither death nor life,
But the light of an unconditional love
Out of which everything arises
And into which everything falls
Yes I have been to the dark place.
Friend, this old system
Corrupted from the inside
Like a cancer finally claiming the host
Is dying
We are experiencing
The thrashing of the tail
As it struggles to hold on to control
And stay alive
But fate will take its course
And this system will perish
Take heart…..
For there is already a new system stirring
We cannot yet see its fullness, its flowers
Or its new growth
It is winter, the season of die back
When there are no signs of life
But still they are there somewhere, waiting
You and I, we must gather ourselves,
We must stay deep and rooted in our presence
We must herald out the old order
And be ready to usher in something new
We may not be here long enough to see it
But those who follow us need us to plant the seeds deep
Those seeds must be authentic and true
They must be wet with love, juicy and ripe and ready
There is a bigger story at play here
And the turning is happening
You are needed, like a drop of nectar is needed
Like a homeopathic remedy is needed
Like an acupuncture needle is needed
Like a robust and pulsatingly alive cell is needed
Do not do yourself a disservice by feeling powerless
There is power locked up in each individuation
The power of love, of truth, of goodness
And, for the sake of the new system,
It is time to release that power into the world.
Image by peter_pyw from Pixabay
Yes, you must recognize your aloneness
And fall into the existential void
Yes, it may be terrifying
And bring you face to face with all that has been avoided
Yes, you will meet meaninglessness
And be forced to become intimate with death
But this is not the end of you
Only the end of the dream of you
There is a big difference
This dream we imagine to be so real
Must be seen all the way
Not sort of, some of the way,
But all the way
And only then will it be fully released
And therein lies the peace and equanimity
It is powerful, it takes willingness and great courage
But I have not met one person
Who does not have the capacity to do it.
Image by Darren Lawrence from Pixabay
And if an immense sadness
Approaching grief and overwhelm
Should fall upon you
Do not throw your hand
Or think there is something terribly wrong
For the opposite is true
Something right is happening in you
Albeit painful and difficult
There are two types of sadness and grief
The individual and the collective
And we cannot know which is which
Our emotional body is connected to the whole
But we are unaware of this
And this may cause us great pain
We are more connected to each other than we know
And we try so hard to maintain our separation
But we are in the time of collective suffering
And we are each barometers and holders of that grief
When the collective lie is great
It is the same as the pain of individual denial
Which is great
We cry, we grieve, we endure
We dance, we mourn, we shout
We rage, we pray, we love, we beseech
We laugh, we allow,
But we do not deny
And we are not ashamed of feeling fully.
Image by aaron son from Pixabay
The tears of grief we cry
That come from the depth of us
Are themselves the source
Of the goodness we speak into the world
The spring water that is so fresh to taste
Comes from within the deepest earth
The deeper we are able to go into existence
The richer are the gifts we can offer
And when the world is hurting so much
And most cannot find that spring water
Maybe you and I can say
‘Here, come over here and drink a little
You must be weary on the road.’
All we can really offer is an open heart.
Image by Jaesung An from Pixabay
This poem is a call to grief
A call for us to throw off our defenses
To tear off the stony masks
That cover our pain
And to grieve innocently and fully
Wherever we are
Whatever our circumstances
We must grieve
To renew
It is part of the cycle of joy
Which is part of the essence of life
Grief is an acknowledgment
Of our humanity, our vulnerability
And our temporariness
Grief is the balm the ego needs
To soften its aggrandizement
And now we are here, at home,
Confused, angry, anxious, alone
Losing loved ones and strangers alike
We have always been losing loved ones and strangers alike
Death and suffering surround us
But now our fragility and our vulnerability
Are in true focus
The truth of our condition is here to be seen
And to be felt
We are fragile
And the web of life is fragile
We can’t pretend any longer
To pretend is to deny
And to deny
Is what causes us to bury our darkness
Deeper and deeper
Until it becomes a monster
My friend, don’t be afraid of grief
It is the doorway to beauty
And all that is real
Be afraid of falseness and denial
It will make you cold and brittle
We are in extraordinary times
When we are being reminded of the truth
That we cannot turn away from our humanity
Or carry on in our old ways
What an opportunity.
– Image by Richard Mcall from Pixabay
The mind is capricious
It is complex and untrustworthy
The mind is a story teller
That feeds on old wounds
And a vivid imagination
It is the carrot dangler
And the harbinger of doom
When left to its own devices
It will rule you, fool you
And overrule you
We are enslaved to mind
As to a narcissist king
Pretending to be
An innocent servant
Without insight, depth and humility
Without reflection and a deeper wisdom
Without empathy, compassion and heart
We are destined to be at war for many a year
Mind and against mind
Self against self
People against people
When we are at war with ourselves
We have no chance of being at peace with others
So I have to declare my call
Make peace with yourself, my friend
Stop fighting with your mind
It doesn’t hold the solution
You must go deeper into the unknown
Like some mythological hero’s tale
You will have to venture into the dark
And conquer demons and dark shadows
There is no other way than within
Only by liberating yourself from mind’s tyranny
Will mind come back into service as exquisite technician
Without this deeper inquiry
Man is but a beast driven mad by his own pain
Unable to be present
He projects his pain outwards onto the world
Telling himself stories he then believes
Without really knowing the truth about anything
Our moment is here,
We live in extraordinary times
When the unravelling of falsehood is possible
But only when we develop our warrior nature.
Image by DarkWorkX from Pixabay
Where are you my friend
Are you struggling on the surface
Fighting with the waves
Trying to stay afloat
I don’t mean physically
I mean in your mind and heart
In your existential body?
I see everyone pulled to the surface
And on the surface is where
The righteousness happens
Fear does that, it leads to righteousness
Stop trying to understand it all
You will never be able to control it
There is wisdom and natural intelligence
To be discovered
When you let go
Even for a moment
And sink down
Into the deep
Picture the drowning man
Struggling for breath on the surface
Eventually he reaches a point where he lets go
And surrenders to the deep
What relief
What an incredible moment, to give up the fight
(This metaphor is very powerful and not intended to cause distress)
There is only so much that can be discovered
On the surface of life
To gain wisdom and the ability to see clearly
There is no choice but to fall
That falling itself is the journey
Of transformation
It’s not where you arrive that matters
It’s what you meet on the way
And how you face it
That forges you
Keep diving into the inner world
And let the outer world
Be as it is.
Image by Anja🤗#helpinghands#stayathome #solidarity#stays healthy🙏 from Pixabay
There is goodness in this experience
If we can open to it and find it
There is a teaching, a blessing
Even in these anxious times
But we must dig deep
Down into the verticality
To the existential realm
Within ourselves
We must discover where our fear is
And what it is built on
Yes, we must find the foundations
Of our beliefs and our sense of self
And search in the mud
And in the darkness
And bring our honest inquiry
To what is true
To be trapped at home
Is imprisonment for some
And retreat for others
A suffocation for some
A reflection for others
I don’t know what the goodness is
We each have to find that for ourselves
Maybe it’s just the opportunity
To self reflect
I do know that the wise and the open
Will endeavor to find the blessing
In every experience
Even in the midst of hardship and fear.
Image by kangbch from Pixabay