The Existential Abyss of Freedom

Yes, you must recognize your aloneness
And fall into the existential void
Yes, it may be terrifying
And bring you face to face with all that has been avoided
Yes, you will meet meaninglessness
And be forced to become intimate with death
But this is not the end of you
Only the end of the dream of you
There is a big difference
This dream we imagine to be so real
Must be seen all the way
Not sort of, some of the way,
But all the way
And only then will it be fully released
And therein lies the peace and equanimity
It is powerful, it takes willingness and great courage
But I have not met one person
Who does not have the capacity to do it.

Image by Darren Lawrence from Pixabay

Surrender to the Deep

Where are you my friend
Are you struggling on the surface
Fighting with the waves
Trying to stay afloat
I don’t mean physically
I mean in your mind and heart
In your existential body?

I see everyone pulled to the surface
And on the surface is where
The righteousness happens
Fear does that, it leads to righteousness

Stop trying to understand it all
You will never be able to control it

There is wisdom and natural intelligence
To be discovered
When you let go
Even for a moment
And sink down
Into the deep
Picture the drowning man
Struggling for breath on the surface
Eventually he reaches a point where he lets go
And surrenders to the deep
What relief
What an incredible moment, to give up the fight
(This metaphor is very powerful and not intended to cause distress)

There is only so much that can be discovered
On the surface of life
To gain wisdom and the ability to see clearly
There is no choice but to fall
That falling itself is the journey
Of transformation
It’s not where you arrive that matters
It’s what you meet on the way
And how you face it
That forges you

Keep diving into the inner world
And let the outer world
Be as it is.

Image by Anja🤗#helpinghands#stayathome #solidarity#stays healthy🙏 from Pixabay

Dance with Tears in Our Eyes

Eventually fate arrives
At every door
With the same invitation
To return home
Until then
We must live boldly
Tenderly, authentically
Wisely and freely
We must dance with tears in our eyes
And the beauty of life
In our blazing hearts
Tasting the sweetness
Even as it vanishes into emptiness.

Image by Randy Rodriguez from Pixabay

Death is a Dear Friend No-One Likes

Eventually this body will fall away
Form itself will dissolve
Back to wherever it came from
Nothing left of me
But a fragrance

This I accept with grace
Because it is inevitable

It brings a preciousness to my time here
It reminds me what it important
It shows me the pointlessness
Of unnecessary worry

The inevitability of death
Brings everything into context
That’s why I hold it close to me
I don’t push it away
Death is a dear friend
No one likes
I have befriended them
And made them an ally
And now they are not as scary
And I can live fully
Here and now
Alive and available

Eventually everything will dissolve.

Image by Johannes Plenio from Pixabay

To Eternity We Bow

To eternity we must bow
To the one great intelligence
That rules all life
While we dance and play and fight like children
Creating our own struggles and laws and beliefs
And praying to idols we create
Meanwhile the destiny of each of us
Is ruled by eternity’s inevitable hand
That beckons us forward

Life is in equal parts
Misery and Joy

The only freedom is to know all this
To stare eternity in the eye
To stand in awe at the vastness
To fall to one’s knees
To weep for everything that will be lost
And love anyway

Oh! the paradox, the great juxtaposition of life
To stare at eternity
Without falling into the abyss
Surely this is beauty itself.

Photo by Dino Reichmuth on Unsplash

Grace – The Nectar of the Gods

I have fallen in so many holes
Been disappointed and felt let down
I have been furious and triggered
Thousands of times
I have wanted to run away from everything
Even end it all and vanish from existence
I have hurt others and been hurt
Done things I regret and made countless mistakes
I have missed opportunities and messed up
I have been righteous, rude and ignorant
Neglected when I could have cared
And turned away when I could have stayed

Yet now, as life courses through these veins,
As maturity deepens the wine
And a certain wisdom brings clarity
I see how everything fits together
I understand the pattern of being human

It doesn’t matter how long it takes
Even in the last minutes of life
At the final curtain
It doesn’t really matter what has been done
What really matters
Is whether it leads to love or not
Whether the door of love opens
And the milk of human and divine kindness
Flows or not
To arrive at forgiveness, compassion, kindness,
To arrive at sorry or great tenderness of heart
Is grace

And a moment of true grace
Is the nectar of the gods
And all life’s experience is designed
For the opportunity
To arrive at the door of that grace
We are the conduits of possibility
And the possibilities are infinite

I have fallen in so many holes
But all of them led to grace.

Photo by Josh Boot on Unsplash

Through the Forest of Shadows

Our healing, our freedom and our awakening
Are all found when we have journeyed
Through the dark forest of shadows
We must be willing to enter this forest
And place one foot in front of the other
Meeting demons and ghosts, sent from the past
We must face what Buddha faced,
The maras of deception, illusion and temptation
We must meet what we have not met
And, with great stealth and softness
With the steel of a samurai
And the tenderness of an innocent,
Walk on, and on,
Until we even meet our death
Our inevitable departure,
And we must keep on walking
Embracing all, denying nothing,
Until we come to the light at the edge of the forest
This is the cleansing of the mind and emotion
This is our ‘valley of the shadow of death,’
This is the transformation from wounded
To wounded healer
From broken adult to wise elder
This is our inner calling
And all our existential crises point to this.

Photo by Rosie Fraser on Unsplash

Even in this that seems so broken

When did it all change
When did you start to feel so heavy
Weighed down by it all
Lost in seriousness
Scared for your life
Or scared for the world

When did you become
So scared of the world

When did you start to see
More problems than solutions
When did the shine vanish
Rubbed off by years of experience

You lost your joy
Your carefree ways
That innocence you had
It dissolved into this
Like everyone else

When was it you picked up
Those heavy bags
Filled with woes, troubles, beliefs, fears
Most of which never come true

When
And why?

And what will it take to drop
All these worries

I beseech thee
Let us sit in the chaos
In the futility, in the storm
And simply sit, tears of sorrow
Rolling down, weeping for our lives
And the lives of those gone
Crying for time slipped away
Missed moments
Broken dreams
Lives torn apart

Let us just sit like this
And meet each other here
Eye to eye
Heart to heart
Nothing to say
We will meet in this silence

And it will show us
That love is still here
Even in this
Even in this that seems so broken.

The Razor’s Edge

To walk through
The valley of darkness
With awareness
Placing one foot
Softly after the other
In tenderness and resolve
Holding fear lightly
Allowing the waves of emotion
To rise and fall
This is the razor’s edge

It is called the razor’s edge
Because it cuts through duality.

Bear the Unbearable

To love with passion and totality
But accept loss and death
Without closure or bitterness
To be willing to open to it all
Bear the unbearable
And still love
To be kind in the face of cruelty
And not drift into cynicism
Or the lure of righteousness
To hold it all, tenderly,
In the palm of your hand
Like a delicate bird
We have that choice
And it is a difficult one
The pull to closure is so strong

We are fragile creatures
Surrounded by loss
Our daily lives are lived
In an uncertainty
It is difficult to face
So we turn away, again and again,
But denial is no answer
To truth

The wise one
Holds uncertainty
And inevitability
As intimate companions
Yet identifies with neither
Choosing instead openness
And loving kindness

This is the choice
Either this
Or the agony of closure.