A Crazy Round Trip

Sausalito – Costa Rica – United Kingdom – Stockholm – Sausalito

Today, as I have built some sort of relationship with a few of you, I have decided to share part of our (my wife and I) unfolding adventure that has been happening this year. Why?

Because it has been, and still is, utterly crazy.

San Francisco from Sausalito

We left Sausalito, California, last December after a three month stay determined to live there. Amoda secured a publishing deal with a very prestigious company in Berkeley and this year she had to write THE BOOK!
AND she was going to apply for a long visa so we could stop the three month thing and live in place we are both very drawn to…California.

But when we left California in December last year we were homeless. We had given up our rented apartment here in the UK before we left and so suddenly we were nomadic and wandering and she had the most serious book of her life to write. And the visa to apply for. (If you have ever applied for a visa beyond the tourist visa, particularly for America, you will know what this entails…Its a legal case. It is hard core)

Puriscal, Costa Rica
Costa Rica

We started in Costa Rica for three months. But it was too hot, humid and the sound of cicadas drove us crazy. We were miles from anywhere with no transport and an empty house living in starkness.

It was as though we had been ejected from the Garden of Eden (Sausalito) and became lost in the wilderness. It certainly wasn’t a holiday!

Big Sky Small Boat

We then returned to the UK and found a one room studio in the place we used to live, in Hastings on the south coast. But Amoda couldn’t write in such cramped conditions so she had to find some writing space. (She writes on delicate matters of non duality and deep spirituality and needs as close to silence to contemplate) Trusted House Sitters provided something close by thank goodness.

And then I got sick. We still don’t know why, and I am still carrying the effects, but something happened, maybe a bite or a scratch or something in Costa Rica but over the months from April till now a rash and skin condition descended upon my body that saw me fully covered, peeling, and unbelievable itching. Now it is whelts and weals on my skin. No fever and no illness. I’m not going to show you pictures I will spare you that!

The storm coming
Stockholm Cafe

We spent a month in Stockholm which was a great blessing.
We spent a few weeks north of London which was a great blessing.

And now we have been living in this apartment, sort of, during the last three months or so. It is run down, noisy and in an ugly part of town.

And all the time the book, the book, the book. And all the time the visa, the visa, the visa.

Let me tell you, we are both a couple of sensitive souls. And not young. I’m 57 years old. Doing all this as a young person is one thing. But as an older guy its actually quite tough. And without a base, a foundation, it has been very stressful. It really opened my eyes to what it must be like to have everything taken from you.

Truly, I can only begin to imagine what war must do to people. And the slide into homelessness must be tough.

We have felt like we were swimming across the vast ocean to try and make a dream happen. Some times we felt like we were drowning. We didn’t think we would make it. I have experienced melt down and fear, a kind of existential fear. We had to muster every ounce of strength, trust, persistence and resolve to keep going. But we kept on going.
When you strip yourself down and sacrifice everything, it kind of does something to you. It brings up even more of your stuff. Yes, it triggers you sometimes.

It is a ruthless Zen Teacher. And if you are the kind of person to listen and learn, and one who embraces challenge and life’s instruction, it is so powerful.

Amoda Maa Jeevan – My Wife.

My wife, Amoda Maa Jeevan, is a genius. She is the one who has made all this possible. It is her ‘goat like’ tendencies that start and simply keep going, methodically and thoroughly until the end goal is realised.

On my own I’m not like this at all. I’m a creative mess, a feather in the wind. Pisces moon….

And then two weeks ago she actually finished the book!!!!!!!!

And then a week and a half later we were at the US Embassy in London being told, ‘YOU HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR VISA APPLICATION.’!!!!!

And we danced from the Embassy much to everyone’s delight. I don’t think they see many mystic crazy folks there, it’s all very serious. Even the armed guards raised a smile when I showed them my delight.

And now here I sit, surrounded by the debris of our deconstruction, with, get this, only two weeks left before we get on the flight to return to Sausalito in California.
There are a million things we need to sort out, and when we hit the US a million more to sort out, like somewhere to live, a car, money, tax etc etc…

But don’t let anyone ever tell you that it’s too late, too much, too far, or you are too old, too young, too poor or too rich…Nothing is true on this plane of existence except what we make true.

San Francisco

It is all there. The only problem I can see, generally speaking, is one’s own mind.

cowboy 2 copy
Some Cowboy or other!

The adventure continues.
Thanks for reading you lovely people!!!

i drew back

i drew back from the edge
fearful of
what might happen
if i failed
but then
i found myself
by the
to jump
and the dreadful fear
of doing so.

it’s a kind of
that involves
much effort
and resistance.

but let’s face it
we are screwed anyway
life is painful
or stay.

so after a
moment or two
of realising the
utter hopelessness
of my situation
i jumped.


The Wind Blows a Gale

The wind blows a gale
On the south coast
And people get freaky
With it.
The sea cuts up rough
And the trees dance
As though possessed
By demons.
My mind scatters
In every direction
Looking for trouble
Convinced of imminent
I’ll have none of it
And stay true
To my sky nature.

It’s best not to take
Too personally
Or I may go insane
Like everyone else.

Do Not Underestimate the Power of Your Mind

Do not underestimate the power of your mind.
This mind is capable of many things.

Do not underestimate the power of your mind.
It can bring you down or it can lift you up.

This mind that makes the invisible

It has the power to change matter.
When the mind is aligned to love it is a force for good.
When mind is aligned to fear it turns toward hate
And unleashes its fury on the world.
There is nothing more destructive than a mind
That serves fear and hatred.
It brings an armageddon, like a
Thousand volcanoes.
Mind can kill you or heal you
It doesn’t care which.
Do not underestimate the power of your mind
It has no loyalty to you or anyone
Least of all you.
To your mind 
You are the subject,
You are a thing that needs protection.
To your mind it, itself, is King.

Mind unobserved is
An out of control train
Coming off the tracks.

It is your task to bring your mind
Into line so it serves
Your highest needs.
Through clarity and awareness
Through silence and inquiry
It will slowly settle down
Like an angry dog that needs soothing.
And then it will become your ally
Your greatest friend and servant.
Until then do not underestimate
The power of your mind.

Pier Underbelly Colour 3 copy

I Didn’t Come Here to Hide

I didn’t come to this place
To hide from everything 
I didn’t come to 
Lock myself away
And never show
My true face
I didn’t come to
Live by fear’s rules
That smother us in 
pretence and lies.

No, I came to live
I came here to shine 
My light
I came here to
And gamble
I came to taste
The nectar of love’s
Sweet fragrance
I came here to play
And most of all I came for

Bird on the Wing

Into the Valley of Darkness

Be not afraid
Of the darkness
Be instead
Afraid of
Those who pretend
There is no

Walk with innocent awareness
Into that valley.

Meet a thousand faces
Of fear
And the thunderous voice of doom
Meet the fury and rage
Of tempest
Trickery, deceit and cunning
Meet the many headed serpent
And feel her breath
On your skin
And hold fast
To trust
Hold on to love
Not the love of one for another
But the love that destroys
All that is not itself
The love that destroys illusion and delusion
The love that shatters the mirror of self
And kills Narcissus.



Earth Rage