I Am Sorry

I am sorry
To those I treated unfairly and cruelly
In the days when I didn’t know better
When my ignorance and self absorption
Got the better of me
I am sorry I took my pain out on you
I had no idea then
But I know now
And sometimes my heart is weary for the past
And the ways I once was
I see a boy, a young man, angry and scared
Hurt and resentful
Who took it out on those who got close to him
I was afraid of you getting too close
It triggered my own inner demons
A darkness I carried everywhere
But couldn’t reach or resolve
I am sorry
Thank you for tolerating me
And teaching me

I know better now
And I share that with others
In the hope they will share it with others
And we can stop taking our pain out
On each other

But mostly I am sorry.

A Love Beyond Valentine

Love is not a personal possession
Not something to keep for self
It’s not ownership of someone else
It is not something we can trade
It is a fragrance
So much deeper than self
It is the sweet beauty
Of openness without imagination
Tenderness without story
Love is the presence
Of just being with this as it is
It is humbling
And exhilarating
Compassionate
And without limit
Love is just what is naturally here
When everything that is not it
Is dissolved
In fact everything dissolves into it
Because love is not divisible
It is not me and you and others
It is the whole
Union.

Happy Valentine to your sacred heart ❤

Intimacy – The Hidden Treasure

Intimacy is what happens
When the soul is laid bare
And received
With an open heart

It has nothing to do with sex

Intimacy is where
Openness meets itself
Beyond the walls of self protection

It is the ultimate display of rebellion
In a superficial world

But it has nothing to do with sex

To be intimate with anyone or anything
You have to be willing
To reveal your innermost
To explore your depths
And to hear without judgement
To be able to sit
In the complete unknown
Even as the fire might rage

Intimacy is being comfortable
In the discomfort
Of the unknown
Because this intimacy
Is where love lives

It is the secret treasure
Only the authentic explorer
Can discover.

Ready For Love

I wasn’t ready for love
When it arrived
It shook me to the core
And in that shaking
Everything fell out

I fell so deep into love’s ocean
I drowned
But in drowning
Something new was born

The I that had struggled so hard
The one that fought the world
And battled for survival
Was no longer in control
Had become but a tiny whisper

Instead there was devotion to truth
An openness and a service to love itself
A warrior arose
Someone real
Who had no need for defenses
No need to attack
This new one wore no mask
Played no games
Yet was not weak
But strangely powerful

There is only one force
That can change this world
And that is love

But it requires a kind of death
Of the one who is defended.

Love is a Gamble

Love is a gamble
A risk
It’s an open hand
In a closed hand game
The deeper the love
The greater the gamble
What can you lose?
Everything you were
Every strategy of defense
Every wall you built
In the name of protection
The stakes are high
The pot is great
What do you win?
Freedom and joy.

There is no relationship

We looked at each other
And each allowed our gaze
To enter fully
Through the mask of personality
Past the wounds of vulnerability and pain
Beyond the heart that carries the world
And the soul’s purpose for living
There was no place to land
In this intimacy
Yet there was this exquisite sense
That everything was one thing
Covered by layer upon layer
Of belief.