Even in this that seems so broken

When did it all change
When did you start to feel so heavy
Weighed down by it all
Lost in seriousness
Scared for your life
Or scared for the world

When did you become
So scared of the world

When did you start to see
More problems than solutions
When did the shine vanish
Rubbed off by years of experience

You lost your joy
Your carefree ways
That innocence you had
It dissolved into this
Like everyone else

When was it you picked up
Those heavy bags
Filled with woes, troubles, beliefs, fears
Most of which never come true

When
And why?

And what will it take to drop
All these worries

I beseech thee
Let us sit in the chaos
In the futility, in the storm
And simply sit, tears of sorrow
Rolling down, weeping for our lives
And the lives of those gone
Crying for time slipped away
Missed moments
Broken dreams
Lives torn apart

Let us just sit like this
And meet each other here
Eye to eye
Heart to heart
Nothing to say
We will meet in this silence

And it will show us
That love is still here
Even in this
Even in this that seems so broken.

Turn Towards Life

Again I wake up, heart broken open
Yet now, unable to turn away,
I am compelled to simply remain open
No fixing this, no resolution
No turning away, no righteousness

Instead, surfing the edge of this delicate web

The human experience,
Imbued with suffering, is inescapable
There is a tender agony to all existence
All form caught in the same dance

And loving deeply,
The kind of love in which you lose your self,
Comes with the inevitable finale,
A clause built in to every contract that reads,
‘This is temporary.’

But, my friend,
I would rather love with this openness
And endure the pain of existence willingly
Than turn towards denial and hatred
The suffering of hatred seems agony
And spreads like a disease

It’s not for me
So I will choose
To wake up heart broken open
Again and again and again

Don’t turn away from life
Turn towards life with arms wide open.

 

Time to Blossom

The human experience
Carries the potential for greatness
Or terrible tyranny

We are latent beings
Waiting to be activated

There is adventure
Written into our code

What makes one
Rise up against all odds
Out of their suffering
And become a carrier of light

And yet another
Lauded with wealth
Cosseted with opulence
Becomes the harbinger of doom

Don’t think this lies somewhere else
It is in each of our hearts
I was a wreck, tortured by my past
Inflicting my pain of everyone

And then opportunity for change arrived
And I seized it by the forelock
Even though it terrified me

Truly it doesn’t matter what has happened
What matters is how it serves you now
Does it cripple you?
Does it feed you?
Can you use it as food for your transformation?

None of this is easy
But we must face these hard truths
We have but one short life
That may be wasted in the past
And we will miss this beauty.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
― Anais Nin

Abiding in Kindness

I have said this before
The door to liberation
Is marked KINDNESS
Kindness is hidden grace

It sounds easy and effortless
But kindness challenges
Our defended and righteous ego
We may be kind to ourselves
And others
For a while
But we have our limits
And at some point
They are challenged
And we react
Where did our kindness go?

Kindness is easily hijacked
By the ego self
And it will use kindness as another way
Of keeping itself intact
And defended

Kindness is not a tool
It’s a state of consciousness
And a way of being
It’s not another add on
An optional spiritual tool we can employ
To feel better about ourselves or life

Abiding in kindness
Is a room with no doors
The end of the search
KINDNESS is
The openness of love itself.

Soften

When the fiery mind reacts
With great indignation
Soften
When righteousness rises up
Ready for attack
Soften
When the trigger comes
And the threat is felt
Deep inside
And emotions run wild
Tearing at the throat
Soften
When all seems lost
When victory is assured
When you feel right
Or wrong
Good or bad
Soften
Soften at the very core
Soften all parts
From the tight breathing
To the rigid mind
Soften
And keep softening
Until clarity
Awareness and discernment
Become your abiding state.

A River Flows Through Us

There is a river of natural intelligence
Flowing through everything and everyone
Find that river and serve it
Over and over
At first it may be unfamiliar
But keep on serving it
And listening to it
It is the source of true goodness
The well spring of love

It is there, in the space between things
In the pause between breaths
And the deep silence of still mind
In the deepest acceptance of what is
It is there, whispering to you
Nudging you with it’s intuition
It’s your instinct
Your inner guidance system

When you sit in silence
On a still day
In the arms of a great tree
You will feel it
This intelligence is everywhere
Yet we override it
In favor of collective beliefs
And self centered thinking

It takes daring and humility
Softness and surrender
To court this intelligence
It will shrink from demand
And run from aggression
You can’t drag it out
Or beg or barter with it

But
You can become tender
With yourself
With your life
With everything you have previously judged
With all your righteousness
With your wounds and trauma
With the world itself
You can become so tender
That you fall into an unknown place
And you stop all this seeking and searching
Just for one moment
And in that moment of emptiness
Just listen, quietly
And out of that utter silence
You will hear it
And you will feel it
It’s there, inside everything and everyone.