I Am Sorry

I am sorry
To those I treated unfairly and cruelly
In the days when I didn’t know better
When my ignorance and self absorption
Got the better of me
I am sorry I took my pain out on you
I had no idea then
But I know now
And sometimes my heart is weary for the past
And the ways I once was
I see a boy, a young man, angry and scared
Hurt and resentful
Who took it out on those who got close to him
I was afraid of you getting too close
It triggered my own inner demons
A darkness I carried everywhere
But couldn’t reach or resolve
I am sorry
Thank you for tolerating me
And teaching me

I know better now
And I share that with others
In the hope they will share it with others
And we can stop taking our pain out
On each other

But mostly I am sorry.

The Walls We Build

Must we close our fragile hearts
To the world
To protect our vulnerable selves
Must we erect our shields
And great walls of defense
And separate ourselves
From everything
That is too much to bear
Must we?
Even though those very hearts
Are the doors
To our humanity

The most beautiful quality of being human
Is found through the door of suffering.

 

poetry in everything

poetry is the voice of beauty

and there is beauty everywhere

sometimes hidden by a veil

but with clear mind and open heart

you can pierce the veil of illusion

and see the truth

what we are so busy denying

and turning away from

is the beauty itself

oh! people

turn towards suffering

turn towards tenderness 

turn towards brokenness 

turn towards the tears

you have held back behind the veil

it is this turning towards truth

that allows the beauty you are

to radiate into the world

and that is the poetry i speak of.

love and death – the beauty and the agony

we are drawn to love 
like moths to the flame
and that flame is death 
we are designed to carry love into death
and invited to retract from neither
to be willingly broken, to love anyway
knowing that one day
it will all shatter into a thousand pieces
and transform into love’s absence
or move into the heart for permanent residency
this is the heroic goal of each human

the agony of love, the beauty of love
both are inevitable.

Just found out a fellow musician and husband of spiritual teacher Unmani has died suddenly in Goa. Robert was/is a great musician and just released his first album about two days ago. And then he left, leaving Unmani and a very young son.
My heart goes out to Unmani and his family.

Amoda and I talk about this often and live with the potential reality, particularly as I have been ill before and even now have potential heart and liver issues that have been flagged up as problems further down the line.
So often the men go early.

But what to do?

We are drawn to love, human beings are drawn to love like moths to the flame. And that flame is death.
We are designed to carry love into death, and to retract from neither.
To be willingly broken, to love anyway, knowing that one day it will shatter into a thousand pieces and transform into love’s absence, or move into the heart for permanent residency, this is the heroic goal of the human.

The agony of love, the beauty of love.

Here is his album, it sounds wonderful. So sad..

https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/roberthanuman

only the deepest softness

i have tried to meet the world
meet my lover
and meet myself
in many different ways
over the long years of my life
i have tried to rage, argue and battle
I have tried to run and deny
i have been intolerant and indignant
have even stood aloof and arrogant
upheld by righteousness and superiority

but none of these tactics ever brought me
or anyone else
peace

no

only one thing, only one measure
has worked every time
and that is to meet everything,
all experience, all form,
within and without,
with the deepest softness

i may not like it, want it or feel i need it
it may hurt like hell
and bring great sadness or pain
but when i allow
myself to surrender
into the deepest softness
something new happens
that opens the door
to majesty

not the loud majesty of pomp and pride
but the humble majesty
that may be unseen
yet extraordinarily beautiful
and sweet

when you get tired of fighting the world
or yourself
don’t give up and hang your head
in resignation
but surrender the fighter
to this deepest softness

we will meet there.