MY SONG OF GRIEF

Sometimes I just get so sick of all this ridiculous bullshit
I try and remember it’s all a leela, a play, a game
And only consciousness is real
And ignorance is the only real enemy
(and not one to be fought with
but to be transcended with awareness)

But in truth I get weary
Walking this world
As it implodes
And eats itself with division

I discovered love to be the only worthy thing
Worth standing for
And I devoted my life, my service, my every breath to that

I have not transcended the world
I am not above it
I feel it in every fibre of my being
I feel it all, the suffering, the horror,
The blindness, the blame, the malevolence
The manipulation, the tyranny
My how it hurts sometimes

And all I can do is speak it,
Say its name, in the pain of love
I know I am not alone in this
And maybe you feel the same sometimes

There is no remedy
And I’m not looking for positive words
If we don’t speak the truth
We are doomed
This is my song of grieving.

TRANSFORMING THE SHADOW

The human condition must be borne by each of us
Both our personal and ancestral tragedies and wounds
And the suffering of the collective
Somehow we have to expand our consciousness to do this

For the historic and habitual tendency we have adopted
To turn away from suffering, to ignore the horrors,
Does not, nor ever has, swept them under the carpet
Or made them disappear
All it ever did was create an enormous collective and individual shadow

That which is denied does not vanish
But lives in the darkness

There is great opportunity in these changing times
For everything to transform
And for humanity to begin living in an inclusive way

But only when each of us starts to transform our own lives
And begins living in an inclusive way

And that means we each must open up and face ourselves
And face the world
Bear the unbearable
Tear down the walls that we have erected around our hearts
Resolve our habitual desire to judge and measure ourselves and others
Purify our own shadow, meet our demons, welcome our suffering
And become clear vessels of the light
Not as superficial new age wishful thinkers

But as authentic, wild, humble, free, carriers of truth
Willing to bear the human condition
Even as our hearts break open
For we know that love pours forth into the world.

Image by press 👍 and ⭐ from Pixabay

Flawed and Perfect

These flaws, these wounds and burdens
That we carry with such heaviness over the years
These patterns woven into us by the past
The ones we seek to rid ourselves of
So we can enjoy the freedom of no pain

Will never leave us
I’m sorry to tell you

You cannot get rid of these twists and turns
Anymore than the tree can get rid of its
Woody individuality
The tree grows the way it grows
Bent, beaten, flexible
Always reaching for the light

What you consider flaws and defects
Are your pattern
What makes you, you,
Individual and beautiful
Unique and exquisite

The real trick with the past
Is to accept it
But not be defined by it
Be more free than the past
Be flawed and perfect
Get rid of nothing
Embrace your uniqueness
Find what is unbroken in the broken

This striving for perfection
By removing that which makes us unique
Is an error of judgement
An understandable error of judgement

For the truth is we cannot bear our pain
Or the pain of the world
Suffering is our deepest wound
But when suffering is denied or avoided
It only increases in hidden and terrible ways

I turned towards suffering
My own and the worlds
I opened my arms wide
And said, ‘Yes, come here, I will love you,’
And it changed everything

Turn away no more,
But stop and turn towards what hurts
It is the only way for a warrior.

The Walls We Build

Must we close our fragile hearts
To the world
To protect our vulnerable selves
Must we erect our shields
And great walls of defense
And separate ourselves
From everything
That is too much to bear
Must we?
Even though those very hearts
Are the doors
To our humanity

The most beautiful quality of being human
Is found through the door of suffering.

 

which queue were you in?

we were standing, you and i,
in the pre birth queue
in some strange dimension
and as we both
reached the front
i looked at you
and asked
‘are you sure
about this?’
‘sure!’ you said
‘SURE!’ you said
and those words
have haunted me since.

and thus we received
our download
and headed off for the birth queue
I will never forget
looking back at the 
sign above the our queue
that read
‘LEARNING THROUGH SUFFERING.’

It was a very long queue.

Never again.
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