The Juice of Life

In such great need of control
In fear of his own vulnerability
Enslaved by anger and resentment
And conditioned to mind’s righteousness
Did he squeeze all the juice out of life
Did his inner flame perish
And all beauty fade to grey
Life lost meaning
And he died while living

True life springs from surrender
From embracing our wounds
From walking through darkness
From discovering our inner nobility
From turning towards heart

The juice of life
Is in our brokenness, our kindness
Our tenderness and our beauty
Our sorrow, joy and acceptance
Turn towards it
Again and again and again.
Image by Susanne Jutzeler, suju fotografie from Pixabay

I Returned From the Darkness – It Wasn’t a Spiritual Journey, It Was a Human One

When most people meet me these days, in our events or even socially, they see someone who is bright, active, grounded and (hopefully) full of love. Many are quite shocked to know how dramatic my transformation has been, and how I haven’t been like this always but have wrestled with many demons and overcome a lot to get to this point.
But it is very true. And not a day goes by I don’t give thanks for the grace that allowed me to catch a glimpse of the light far away down the tunnel, and held me as I took a hundred thousand steps through the darkness to find it.

A hundred thousand steps, one at a time, sometimes falling, stumbling, and failing. Going backwards, defeated and lost. And then getting up, dusting myself down, and carrying on. Pulled by some unseen hand, not knowing what I was really aiming for, but knowing I could not stay where I was or who I was. There was an inner me calling to be freed, and I served that one.

Through addiction, through dysfunctional relating, through ten years of illness, through negativity and fear, through the wounds of childhood carried unconsciously like great sacks of sorrow into each intimate experience.

Through catharsis, body work, ceremony, prayer, through endless therapy, meditation, self inquiry, fasting, detoxification, through exercise, through hopelessness and acceptance of death, through meeting the deepest existential hole at the center of everything, on and on. Oh I have been in the darkness. I never stopped seeking what was true for me, what was deeper, what was real and honest. I never stopped until I arrived at love’s open door.

And then I walked in.

And when I walked in through that door, the door disappeared, the past disappeared, separation disappeared and everything that had been so hard, so divided, so troubled, became just one thing, one immense and beautiful dance of agony and ecstasy, of the appearance of duality and the illusion of the dream. There was this remarkable sense of arriving home, where I had always been, but had been so lost in pain and imagination I had not realized it.

And that did not mean that suddenly there was nothing more to do. No. There was the ongoing living of this remarkable awareness, in humility and truth. The darkness is still there, no longer as the dominant force it was, but as a whisper of a fragrance of a ghost. It comes sometimes, when I am at my most vulnerable or stressed, and it taps me on the shoulder and says,’ Remember me, I am your reminder to stay humble and open, to stay here as love’s tenderness.’

I stay with gratitude to the grace that allowed me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you for reading. It is possible, with grit and grace, to walk through the darkness and into the light. It’s not a spiritual journey, it’s a necessary human one. And everyone can do it.

Grace – The Nectar of the Gods

I have fallen in so many holes
Been disappointed and felt let down
I have been furious and triggered
Thousands of times
I have wanted to run away from everything
Even end it all and vanish from existence
I have hurt others and been hurt
Done things I regret and made countless mistakes
I have missed opportunities and messed up
I have been righteous, rude and ignorant
Neglected when I could have cared
And turned away when I could have stayed

Yet now, as life courses through these veins,
As maturity deepens the wine
And a certain wisdom brings clarity
I see how everything fits together
I understand the pattern of being human

It doesn’t matter how long it takes
Even in the last minutes of life
At the final curtain
It doesn’t really matter what has been done
What really matters
Is whether it leads to love or not
Whether the door of love opens
And the milk of human and divine kindness
Flows or not
To arrive at forgiveness, compassion, kindness,
To arrive at sorry or great tenderness of heart
Is grace

And a moment of true grace
Is the nectar of the gods
And all life’s experience is designed
For the opportunity
To arrive at the door of that grace
We are the conduits of possibility
And the possibilities are infinite

I have fallen in so many holes
But all of them led to grace.

Photo by Josh Boot on Unsplash

Unconditional Embrace

Our conflict is between
Our own divisive nature
And our innate truth as union

We arise from union
And learn the ways of division
Conditioned to separation and identity
We forget our true nature

But true happiness and peace
Cannot be found in division
Cannot be found in form, identity
Or anything temporary

Without the greater context
Of our deeper truth as consciousness
We are lost in this identification
And thus we fight
With ourselves and each other

Only by knowing ourselves
By deepening our wisdom
And seeing ourselves in each other
And treating each being and creature
As sacred and the same as us
Can we hope to resolve this conflict

That is the task of the new warrior
To hold existence lightly
With tenderness and kindness
To hold duality, identity and form
In unconditional embrace
Knowing we are not that
But living it fully.

Photo by David Marcu on Unsplash

The Garden in Your Heart

Inside you is a garden
It could be eden
Or it could be a wasteland

What grows in the garden
Is not dependent on experience
But on the depth of being
Learned through experience

The seeds are already planted
In each of us, they lie dormant
Our freedom is the choice
Which seeds we water
And which flowers we grow

Even though life is cruel
And we suffer tremendous hardship
Some will still choose
To grow love and kindness
Yet others, some from privilege and power
Choose to grow meanness and division

Our power is on the inside
We get to decide what we water and grow
I choose beauty, tenderness
And the kind of love that heals

Using the choice of what we tend to
What we grow, and what we banish
From our garden
Is a revolutionary act
And no matter what happens
It cannot be taken away

Make the choice wisely
Make it often, every day
Every interaction, every choice
Every time you are triggered
Every time you are insulted
When anger rages
When vengeance rears its head
In difficult times
And easy times
Remember your power to choose.

Photo by Veronica Reverse on Unsplash

I Am For Love

I don’t care who knows
Or what people think
I’m really not concerned
With the projections
Of conditioned mind
I am boldly and proudly
For love
For kindness
For the tender way
For compassion
For the deepest truth
For silence
And for simply joy
These are not weak qualities
On the contrary
They are the mark of the warrior
I am unashamed in my stand for love.

All Walking The Same Way

This is just the simplicity
Of coming back to honesty
Openness, kindness
And the tender way
Over and over and over
It’s not complex or tough to work out
It’s simple and requires only willingness
We walk, each of us at our own pace,
We stumble, we fall, we rise, we move on
We recognize that journey
In each other’s eyes and words
And it triggers compassion
But no lecturing about truth
What’s to teach?
No, we are simply walking the same way
Honestly
Openly
Kindly
Tenderly
Nothing more.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash